MOVIES THAT SUCK! “Anywhere.” / “Operation Taco Gary's.” / “Fear, Blood & Gold.” / “Eight.” / “Here Alone.” / “Beyond Here.”

“Anywhere" (2026, Amazon Prime) neo-noir crime thriller. An isolated Oklahoma oil worker goes on a run with his wife after a spontaneous murder. 


       Right off the bat, this little yawner qualifies in my “Movies That Suck!” list. Implausible plot “development,” cliche acting, and a penis that was bitten off? LOL! 🎥💻📽


“Operation Taco Gary's” (2024, Amazon Prime) science fiction action comedy. About two disparate brothers, an unhinged conspiracy theorist, and his skeptical sibling, on a cross-country road trip. Then they uncover that an unassuming fast-food chain called "Taco Gary's" is actually the secret headquarters for an alien race preparing to invade Earth. 



       The premise is a pre-watch comedy lure. That is if the duo is Cheech and Chong or Chris Rock and Andy Samberg. 

       Simon Rex and Dustin Milligan don't look funny at all. Worse, their acting is double not-funny. Irritating. That's all. Although I don't necessarily fault writer/director Michael Kvamme. It's just his actors suck. And the inclusion of Arturo Castro and Jason Biggs (as himself) makes this joke triple not-funny. 🎥💻📽


“Fear, Blood & Gold” (2023, Pluto TV) western drama. Set in 1846, it follows a wanted outlaw named Oscar Malle and his enslaved companion Sancho Panza, who journey into California's Sierra Mountains in search of a massive gold deposit. 



       A very talky and annoying tedious effort that didn't make any sense. Waste of production budget, waste of time. Worse than a student film project with a D- grade. 🎭👎🎬


“Eight” (2017, Tubi) French thriller/drama. A man lives in peaceful seclusion with his wife. One morning, he mysteriously wakes up seven years in the past, only to find himself sleeping next to a different woman who is completely unknown to him. 


       The story seems interesting at first. Then the situation fell into an irritatingly bizarre monotonous loop like a groundhog day gone bonkers, albeit in a singular spot. Then we are forced into a boring Psychology 101 lecture. 

       Runtime is 1 hour 30 minutes but it seems like forever. 🎥💻📽


“Here Alone” (2016, Fawesome) post-apocalyptic film. A woman survives in the deep woods of upstate New York after a mysterious viral pandemic turns most of the human population into ravenous, cannibalistic monsters. 


       I cannot say this zombie movie is badly-done because it is not. Director Rod Blackhurst managed to craft a watchable apocalypse piece from David Ebeltoft's bankrupt wasteland script. And Lucy Walters as Ann is a minimalist performance aesthetic, without screaming or bludgeoning walkers as in a typical “The Walking Dead” episode. 🎥💻📽


“Beyond Here” (2015, Tubi) French drama. Two outlaws navigate the French Alps. The film follows a young, wandering couple, Basile and Léa, who take refuge in an abandoned mountain cabin after months of trekking. Their tense isolation is disrupted when a mysterious drifter arrives, forcing Basile to confront his mental stability and sense of identity. 


        That's all. But if there's literary source material for this movie, it'd be better to read that one. Visually or cinematically, as directed by Hugo Bousquet, there's nothing to enjoy in this yawner. Maybe the snowy mountain scenery? 🎥💻📽


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