MOVIES THAT SUCK. “Gringa.” / “Twist.” / “The Last Days of American Crime.” / “New Rose Hotel.”

“Gringa” (2023, Sling) comedy-drama. A troubled teenage girl who runs away to Mexico to find her father. 



       Gringa or Marge, an American teenager, also tried to return to the U.S. via the border gate but was not allowed to (re)enter America because she couldn't present a valid document. She sort of crossed to Mexico without a document, I think. LOL! So she joined other undocumented migrants to, you know, cross to Arizona or Southern California.

       But that's not the story, which would have been more interesting. This is about Marge (played by Jess Gabor) finding her dad quite easily and then they tried to bond. You know the drill. Dad is Steve Zahn, who despite his many attempts to do drama, still looked like a one-dimensional comedian. And Ms Gabor? She seems to project only two emotions in her face. 

       Believe it or not, there are two directors in this movie: Marny Eng and E.J. Foerster. I guess that's the problem. They couldn't agree which direction this little movie should go. 🎭👎🎬


“Twist” (2021, Pluto TV and Amazon Prime) action-adventure. A modern take on the Oliver Twist story, following a graffiti artist caught between a street gang, police, and a dangerous enforcer. The film is also based on the 2014 Tom Grass novel “Twist,” which is itself an adaptation of Charles Dickens' 1838 novel.



       Kickass pedigree? Add the great Michael Caine as Fagin, the godfather of a teenage gang of thieves and Lena Headey as his brutal muscle who supervises the group. That'd be it. 

       The movie showcases a lot of stunt-worthy running on buildings and shit, similar to what we see on YouTube produced by hiphop kids in the inner city. 

       BTW, Oliver here is portrayed by Rafferty Law, the son of Jude Law and Saudi Frost. He isn't too bad at all; charming, witty, and most of all, he seemed to be enjoying this gig. Hoping though that Rafferty gets better movies, pretty much like what dad got in those years ago. 

       But this “Twist” shenanigan got nothing to offer but a bland MTV-styled visual jam and predictable sequences. Director Martin Owen should just make TikTok shorts for Gen Z audiences. 🎭👎🎬


“The Last Days of American Crime” (2020, Netflix) action thriller. The overall hook of this dystopian nightmare is as tired and drained as a squeaky toy. I see “futuristic” yet this 2020 movie is set four years later, 2024. The U.S. government prepares to activate the American Peace Initiative (API) signal, a “synaptic blocker” that will prevent the population from breaking the law. 


       Two macho dudes and a woman with a Cosmopolitan cover swagger plan a heist of you know what.

       The hero Bricke, portrayed by a clumsy Édgar Ramírez, is the lead macho. The second is Kevin, essayed with sinister playfulness by the usually fine Michael Pitt. Then there's the lady, Shelby, who is supposedly integral to the entire cinematic silliness, but simply a walk-on adornment as performed by Anna Brewster.

       Never mind that the veteran Patrick Bergin and the usually funny (even when he is supposedly serious) Sharlto Copley is here. Never mind.  Fast forward to the end. 🎭👎🎬


“New Rose Hotel” (1998, Pluto TV) science fiction erotic thriller film co-written and directed by Abel Ferrara. Fox and X are Tokyo-based freelance industrial spies who specialize in helping R&D scientists defect from corporations who would rather see them dead than working for competitors. 


       This movie is based on William Gibson's 1984 short story of the same name. That's the pre-watch attraction to me. Mr Gibson is a speculative fiction writer and essayist widely credited with pioneering the science fiction subgenre known as cyberpunk.

       The premise is undoubtedly provocative and intriguing but this film adaptation took the message literally. What I experienced is a blank canvas with shadows behind it. Bland, pretentious, shallow. 

       It didn't help that Christopher Walken and Willem Dafoe are in this anomaly. Asia Argento is supposedly erotic but not in this one. 🎥💻📽

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