MOVIES THAT SUCK! “Night of the Tommyknockers.” / “Brooklyn Bizarre.” / “Strange Tales from Appalachia.”

“Night of the Tommyknockers” (2022, Sling) horror drama. When miners blast for gold in the 1870's, they accidentally release ancient creatures known as Tommyknockers, or a sort of another version of zombies.



       A band of outlaws, the Dirk gang, launched a bank heist that descended into a siege when all the survivors became trapped in the local saloon. Because the damn starving tommyknockers came knockin’ rudely and violently. 

       Meanwhile, the Dirk gang is led by Richard Grieco. Remember him in the original “21 Jump Street,” uh huh? The 1980s? Yes, he is still alive--fighting tommyknockers.

       This silly movie is neither scary nor funny. Just a little distraction while you (at the same time) attend to 5 other house chores. Honestly, I lost track of what actually happened to Mr Grieco's character. But I didn't bother to rewind. Folding the laundry, fresh off the dryer, is more fun. 🎭👎🎬


“Strange Tales from Appalachia” (2017, Sling) action/horror thriller. Appalachian filmmakers join together to produce three horrifying, suspenseful, and strange tales. 



       These Appalachian filmmakers–Tim Altonen and Josh Holley, with co-writer Cameron Hite--came up with these silliness. <1>”Pretty Girl.” A naked woman escapes a maniac kidnapper and then what happened? <"Man Vs Ghost." A whacked-out wannabe filmmaker hunts ghosts with his sister who fears she has a ghost stalker. And <>”The Room.” An average Joe is kidnapped and trapped in a makeshift death match arena in, you know, a room.

       I don't really know what's the point in all these. Worse than what drunken and stoned film students could come up with in 1 hour and 35 minutes of fiddling with the cam. 🎭👎🎬


“Brooklyn Bizarre” (2015, Tubi) French coming-of-age drama about Maurice, a French teenager who arrives in Brooklyn with a mysterious past, finds a new home and "family" at an underground cabaret bar, and gets drawn into a relationship with the bartender Luka.



       This film received positive reviews. Why? Only because it is supposed to be an LGBT-themed movie? It didn't even tackle issues that surround or harass gays. The movie isn't essentially about gays or gender.

       This bizarre movie is bizarre. Why? There's no story structure, conflict hook, or character substance. The acting sucks! 🎭👎🎬


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